Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
