I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize
