Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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