I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
