she was so not down for the gang bang
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
