Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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