Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
