I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
