If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
