It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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