I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
