I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
