Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
