she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
