I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
