so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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