she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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