we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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