Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
