this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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