You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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