u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
