WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My ass is underappreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
