just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
