I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
