My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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