How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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