His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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