he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no you cant smoke seaweed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize