you didnt know i had herpes?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
