you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
