so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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