I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
