I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i would punch a child for taco bell
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
