I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
