so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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