He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize