What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My penis needs a shock collar
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
