I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
