he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
