38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
