I smell stomach acid.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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