I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
