Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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