my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
