I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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