I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh god it's open bar.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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