Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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