yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
