just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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