They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
