what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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