Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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