Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
