My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
