Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
