the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize