Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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