NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
