Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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