I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
