his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
