GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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