omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
