I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
