i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
