Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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