I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
