..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
