Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
